No one is born with self-confidence, zero right every single one of us our self-confidence, was determined by how we were raised the parents, we had the teachers we had the bosses we’ve had the jobs, we’ve had my sister worked for a company for 17 years and her boss destroyed her self-confidence, she came out of that job and she didn’t realize until she got into her new job how afraid, she was to make decisions because of her boss and, it took a while for her to get her confidence back and, so if somebody’s insecure we have to over and over and over again prove to them because, we don’t know where they came from, we don’t know what kind of trouble they got in before, for being honest right or what, how they were raised.
We don’t know and so we have to total empathy and just prove to them that if they make a mistake, they’re gonna get helped not hurt, they’re gonna get supported not yelled at and it the first time they won’t believe you, they think it’s a game they think it’s a con it’s a trick, the second time maybe and we just have to keep at it that every time.
I used to have somebody on my team, who would regularly lie to me right, because she would rather lie to me then tell me that, she made a mistake it was in and I could and if I saw the lie, I would ask so many questions to get her to say to me, I screwed up I’d be like well this doesn’t make sense because, I can’t say you’re lying to me right, I just say this doesn’t make sense, if this adds up to this then why is it that and she would schedule, I would get bigger and then, she would yell at me about how.
I don’t trust her and then at the end, after be like listen it clearly doesn’t add up, I am okay if it doesn’t add up if you made a mistake just tell me, I’m good and we’ll move on but when you deceive me, I’m gonna ask you so many questions to get to the truth that, it’s gonna get worse and worse and worse, I had to have that conversation with her probably 50 times before little cracks started to show where she showed up to me once here one number wasn’t there and she looked at me and said.
I made a mistake and I went cool Thanks Alan Mulally puts it brilliantly he says you have a problem, you are not the problem right so something goes wrong, we have a problem but you are not the problem and that’s the point, is we’ve too many times told people that they’re the problem so, I think it’s just gonna take time and patience and you have to do the hard work of helping that person build up their confidence again.